...in the moment

Writing down thoughts isn’t half as right as thinking them. I mean I think so fast and so many things at the same time that writing limits me to put the thoughts down in a sensible and one pattern manner.

I have been in confusion for a whole month. Trying to live in the moment almost like what I think either most people do or another version that I thought they should adapt. I used my gifts in the most veil of ways. I look at that Lilian now and I’m like what the hell was she thinking?

I can’t live in the  moment or at least I have not quite understood what that means. Because some of it means live like there’s no tomorrow. If there is a tomorrow, wont the consequences of today affect it. Because no matter how the past is gone, we carry bits of it with us. It’s hard to forget the past because many at times it’s the one that haunts us. Hence living in the moment is just a theory. It sounds good in theory and can’t be done practically. And living in the moment most of the time doesn’t involve helping the needy or going to church or doing something nice for someone else. It’s always a very selfish phrase that leads us humans to think of ‘what do I want for this moment’ or ‘what is good for ME at this moment’. Not what should I do for my neighbor now or what should I have done for my mother today.

Living like it was our last day on earth also takes that explanation. Because on your last day, as humans we would like to finally fulfill what we have always wanted or to follow our hearts and most of the times our hearts are selfish. They want good things but only for ourselves. Not the greater human kind.

I have experienced this in the past month or two when I got my heart broken. I decided to be a different person and live life the way I thought I ought to. Then I have come to realize that how I was living my life was the way I ought to. Where I thought through many things and I followed my heart and instinct. Maybe I’m right or maybe I am wrong but what I know for sure is that I didn’t like the person I became. She was vain. She was selfish. She was carefree in not a good way. She was a *****. She was okay with being a *****. She was trying to fit in with everyone else and also keep up with books. She didn’t really understand what it meant to live in the moment. Because there are days she really needed to be in touch with reality where the moment had no place in it.

I just think everything has its time. When to rebel..but you can't rebel forever so to chose when to sit back and watch the world turn. When to go crazy and when you should completely have your sanity with you. That way life will be lived and to its maximum not only at that moment. Because it wouldn't exist if the last moment led you to the grave. So moments are just moments. Cease them but remember that life is much more than that particular moment which was the future and will be the past. It is just a moment. With no particular place in time apart from now. That can change both the future and the past. So if not thought through carefully or if just misused, then it's not worth the moment.